What to Do If You're the Target of Gossip or Rumours (Teen Guide)
Finding out that people are gossiping about you or spreading rumours can feel absolutely devastating. You might feel angry, embarrassed, confused, or hurt—and all of those feelings are completely valid.
Here's the truth: gossip and rumours are a normal (though frustrating) part of teenage social life. Almost everyone experiences it at some point. The good news? There are proven strategies to handle gossip effectively, protect your reputation, and come out of the situation stronger.
In this guide, we'll walk you through exactly what to do if you're the target of gossip or rumours, based on evidence-based social skills principles from the PEERS® Program. Whether the rumours are true, partially true, or completely false, we'll help you navigate the situation with confidence.
Why Do People Gossip?
Before we dive into solutions, it helps to understand why people gossip in the first place. It's not always about you—often, it's about them.
People gossip because:
It makes them feel important – Having "insider information" gives them social status
It's entertaining – Drama is interesting, and gossip creates drama
They want to bond with others – Sharing secrets creates a sense of closeness
They're insecure – Putting others down makes them feel better about themselves
They're bored – Gossip fills time and creates excitement
They want to hurt someone – Sometimes gossip is intentional and mean-spirited
Understanding the motivation behind gossip doesn't make it okay, but it can help you realise that it's often not really about you—it's about the person spreading it.
Step 1: Find Out What's Being Said (and Who's Saying It)
Before you can respond effectively, you need to know exactly what's being said about you and who's involved.
How to Gather Information
Ask a trusted friend: "Hey, I heard people are talking about me. Do you know what they're saying?"
Check social media carefully: Look for posts, comments, or messages—but don't obsess or spiral
Pay attention to changes in behaviour: Are people acting differently around you? Avoiding you? Whispering when you walk by?
What You Need to Know
What exactly is being said? – Is it true, partially true, or completely false?
Who started it? – Was it one person or a group?
How widely has it spread? – Is it just a few people or the whole school?
Is it online or in person (or both)? – This affects how you respond
Important: Don't interrogate everyone or become obsessed with finding out every detail. Get enough information to understand the situation, then move on to the next step.
Step 2: Decide If the Rumour Is True, Partially True, or False
Your response will depend on whether the gossip or rumour has any truth to it.
If the Rumour Is Completely False
This is the easiest situation to handle because you can confidently deny it.
What to do:
Stay calm and confident – Don't get defensive or emotional
Deny it clearly and simply: "That's not true" or "I don't know where that came from, but it's completely false"
Don't over-explain – The more you defend yourself, the more people think there might be some truth to it
Move on quickly – Change the subject or walk away
Example:
Friend: "I heard you cheated on the maths test."
You: "That's not true. I studied really hard for that test." (Then change the subject) "Did you finish the English essay?"
If the Rumour Is Partially True
This is trickier because there's a kernel of truth, but it's been exaggerated or twisted.
What to do:
Acknowledge the true part briefly
Correct the false or exaggerated part
Don't provide unnecessary details
Move on
Example:
Friend: "I heard you got suspended for fighting."
You: "I got in trouble, but I wasn't suspended. It was just a misunderstanding that got sorted out." (Then change the subject) "Anyway, are you going to the game on Friday?"
If the Rumour Is True
This is the hardest situation because you can't deny it. But you can still manage how people perceive it.
What to do:
Own it calmly and confidently – Don't act ashamed or defensive
Keep your response brief – Don't overshare or justify
Show that you're not bothered by the gossip – This takes away the gossiper's power
Move on
Example:
Friend: "I heard you and Alex broke up."
You: "Yeah, we did. It's all good though." (Then change the subject) "What are you doing this weekend?"
Key principle: The less emotional you are, the less interesting the gossip becomes. If you act like it's not a big deal, others will lose interest quickly.
Step 3: Don't Spread Counter-Gossip
When someone gossips about you, it's tempting to retaliate by gossiping about them. Don't do it.
Here's why:
It makes you look just as bad – You lose the moral high ground
It escalates the situation – Now you're in a gossip war, and it gets messier
It damages your reputation – People will see you as petty and dramatic
It doesn't solve the problem – It just creates more drama
Instead: Take the high road. Don't talk badly about the person, even if you're angry. This shows maturity and makes you look better in the long run.
Step 4: Talk to Trusted Friends and Get Support
Dealing with gossip can be emotionally exhausting. Don't go through it alone.
Who to Talk To
Close friends who support you – They can offer perspective and emotional support
A parent or trusted adult – They can give advice and help you navigate the situation
A school counsellor – Especially if the gossip is affecting your mental health or school experience
What to Say
"I'm dealing with some gossip and I just need to vent. Can I talk to you?"
"I'm feeling really hurt about what people are saying. Can you help me figure out what to do?"
Important: Choose people who will listen and support you—not people who will fuel the drama or spread more gossip.
Step 5: Let It Die Down (and Don't Keep Bringing It Up)
Here's a hard truth: most gossip and rumours fade quickly if you don't keep feeding them attention.
How to Let It Die Down
Stop talking about it – The more you bring it up, the longer it stays alive
Don't post about it on social media – Vague posts like "Can't believe people are so fake" just draw more attention
Act normal – Go about your daily life as if nothing happened
Give it time – In a week or two, people will move on to the next drama
Remember: Teenagers have short attention spans. What feels like a huge deal today will be forgotten by next week—unless you keep bringing it up.
Step 6: Protect Your Reputation Moving Forward
Once the gossip dies down, focus on rebuilding or maintaining your reputation.
How to Protect Your Reputation
Be kind and respectful to others – People are less likely to believe negative gossip about someone they like
Don't gossip about others – What goes around comes around
Be mindful of what you share – Don't overshare personal information that could be used against you
Surround yourself with good friends – People who truly know you won't believe gossip
Show integrity – Be honest, reliable, and trustworthy
What If the Gossip Is Happening Online?
Online gossip and rumours can spread faster and feel more permanent than in-person gossip. Here's how to handle it:
If It's on Social Media
Don't engage publicly – Responding in comments or posts just fuels the fire
Screenshot everything – In case you need evidence later (for school or authorities)
Block or mute the person – You don't need to see their posts
Report serious harassment – Most platforms have reporting tools for bullying
Consider a private message – If you want to confront, do it privately via DM
If It's in a Group Chat
Address it calmly: "Hey, I saw what was said about me. It's not true, and I'd appreciate it if we could move on"
Leave the group if it's toxic – You don't need to stay in spaces where you're not respected
Talk to a trusted friend in the group – They might be able to shut it down from the inside
If It's Cyberbullying
If the online gossip crosses into bullying (threats, harassment, sharing private images, etc.), take it seriously:
Tell a parent or trusted adult immediately
Report it to the platform
Report it to your school – Most schools have cyberbullying policies
In serious cases, report it to the police – Especially if there are threats or illegal content
What If the Gossip Won't Stop?
If the gossip is persistent, escalating, or turning into bullying, you need to take stronger action.
Steps to Take
Document everything – Keep screenshots, write down dates and incidents
Talk to a school counsellor or teacher – They can intervene and address the behaviour
Involve your parents – They can advocate for you with the school
Consider changing your social circle – If your current friends are toxic, it might be time to find new ones
Seek professional support – A therapist or counsellor can help you cope with the emotional impact
You don't have to handle this alone. If gossip is affecting your mental health, school performance, or safety, reach out for help.
How to Avoid Being the Target of Gossip in the Future
While you can't control what others say about you, you can reduce the likelihood of being targeted.
Tips to Minimise Gossip
Be selective about what you share – Don't overshare personal or sensitive information
Choose your friends wisely – Surround yourself with people who are trustworthy and kind
Don't gossip about others – If you don't gossip, people are less likely to gossip about you
Handle conflicts privately – Don't air your drama on social media or in public
Be aware of your online presence – What you post can be screenshot and shared
Remember: This Too Shall Pass
When you're in the middle of a gossip storm, it can feel like your world is ending. But here's the reality:
Gossip is temporary – People will move on to the next drama soon
It doesn't define you – What people say about you doesn't change who you really are
You'll get through this – Thousands of teens have dealt with gossip and come out stronger
It's a learning experience – You're building resilience and learning how to handle difficult social situations
In a few weeks or months, this will be a distant memory. Focus on the people who support you, stay true to yourself, and keep moving forward.
Need Help Navigating Social Challenges?
If you're struggling with gossip, rumours, or other social challenges, you don't have to figure it out alone. The PEERS® Program teaches practical, evidence-based strategies for handling gossip, conflict, teasing, and other common teenage social situations.
At Strivesocial, we help teens build the social skills and confidence they need to navigate high school successfully—including how to handle gossip, protect their reputation, and build strong, healthy friendships.
Our one-on-one coaching is personalised to your specific challenges and is fully funded under the NDIS for eligible participants.
Alex* one of our clients, came to us struggling with gossip and social drama at school. Through the PEERS® Program, she learned how to respond to gossip calmly, set boundaries with toxic friends, and build healthier relationships. She now feels more confident and in control of her social life.
Get Support Today
If you (or your teen) need help navigating gossip, social drama, or other friendship challenges, Strivesocial is here to help.
Book a free 15-minute consultation to learn more about our PEERS Program and how we can support you.
📞 Phone: 0408 707 866
📧 Email: julie@strivesocial.com.au
🌐 Website: www.strivesocial.com.au
Final Thoughts
Being the target of gossip or rumours is painful, frustrating, and unfair. But it's also something you can handle with the right strategies and support.
Remember:
Stay calm and confident – Don't let gossip control your emotions
Respond strategically – Use the steps in this guide to handle it effectively
Don't retaliate – Take the high road
Lean on your support system – You don't have to go through this alone
Give it time – Gossip fades, and you'll come out stronger
You've got this. And if you need help, we're here.
