How to Make Friends in High School: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teens
Starting high school—or even just trying to make new friends when you're already there—can feel overwhelming. You might be wondering: How do I start a conversation? What if people think I'm weird? What if I say the wrong thing?
Here's the truth: making friends is a skill you can learn. It's not about being the most popular person in school or completely changing who you are. It's about understanding how friendships work and practicing a few key strategies that actually work.
Whether you're starting Year 7, transferring to a new school, or just want to expand your social circle, this guide will give you practical, step-by-step advice on how to make friends in high school in Australia—and keep those friendships going.
Why Making Friends in High School Can Be Hard
Let's be honest: high school social life can be confusing and stressful. Here are some reasons why:
Everyone seems to already have friend groups – It can feel like you're the only one without a "crew"
Social rules aren't always clear – What's cool? What's cringe? It's hard to know
Fear of rejection – Putting yourself out there is scary, especially if you've been rejected before
Cliques and drama – High school can feel like navigating a social minefield
You're still figuring out who you are – It's hard to find "your people" when you're still discovering yourself
If you're struggling to make friends, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means you haven't learned the strategies yet—and that's exactly what this guide is for.
Step 1: Start with Small, Low-Pressure Conversations
You don't need to become best friends with someone overnight. Start small by having brief, friendly conversations with people around you.
How to Start a Conversation
Use these simple conversation starters:
Ask about schoolwork: "Did you understand the maths homework?" or "What did you get for question 5?"
Comment on something happening around you: "This assembly is taking forever" or "That was a tough test, hey?"
Compliment something specific: "I like your shoes—where did you get them?" or "Your presentation was really good"
Ask about their weekend or holidays: "Did you do anything fun on the weekend?" or "Are you doing anything for the holidays?"
Pro tip: Don't just say "hi" and wait for them to carry the conversation. Add a question or comment to give them something to respond to.
Where to Start Conversations
Before or after class
In the lunch line
During group work or projects
At lockers
At sports practice or club meetings
The goal isn't to have a deep, meaningful conversation right away—it's just to get comfortable talking to new people.
Step 2: Find Common Interests
Friendships are built on shared interests. The easiest way to make friends is to find people who like the same things you do.
How to Discover Common Interests
Use the "trading information" technique:
Share something about yourself: "I'm really into gaming—I've been playing Elden Ring lately"
Ask them a related question: "Do you play any video games?"
Listen for their interests: Pay attention to what they mention—sports, music, TV shows, hobbies
Ask follow-up questions: "Oh, you play footy? What position?" or "You like anime? What's your favourite?"
When you find something you both like, you've got the foundation for a friendship.
Join Clubs, Teams, or Groups
One of the best ways to meet people with similar interests is to join:
Sports teams (footy, netball, basketball, swimming, etc.)
School clubs (drama, debate, chess, gaming, art, music)
Special interest groups (LGBTQ+ alliance, environmental club, coding club)
School productions or events (school play, band, SRC)
When you're doing an activity together, conversations happen naturally—and you already know you have at least one thing in common.
Step 3: Be a Good Listener
Here's a secret: people like people who show genuine interest in them. You don't have to be the funniest or most interesting person—you just need to be a good listener.
How to Show You're Listening
Make eye contact (or look in their general direction if eye contact is hard for you)
Nod and use small responses: "Yeah," "That's cool," "Really?"
Ask follow-up questions: "How did that go?" or "What happened next?"
Remember details: If they mention their dog, ask about it next time you talk
Don't interrupt or change the subject to yourself too quickly
Balance is key: share about yourself, but also give them space to talk. A good conversation is like a tennis match—back and forth.
Step 4: Use Social Media and Texting to Stay Connected
In Australia, most high school friendships happen both in person and online. Social media and texting are huge parts of how teens stay connected.
How to Use Social Media to Build Friendships
Follow people you want to be friends with on Instagram, TikTok, or Snapchat
Engage with their posts: Like, comment, or react to their stories (but don't overdo it—once in a while is fine)
Share relatable content: Post things that show your interests and personality
Use DMs to continue conversations: "That meme you posted was hilarious" or "How did your game go?"
Texting Tips
Don't just say "hey": Start with a question or comment ("Did you finish the English essay?" or "That was a funny moment in class today")
Match their energy: If they send short replies, keep yours short too. If they're chatty, you can be chatty back
Don't spam: If they don't reply right away, don't send multiple follow-up messages. They might be busy
Use emojis and memes: They make texting more fun and less formal
Warning: Don't rely only on online communication. Real friendships need face-to-face time too.
Step 5: Invite People to Hang Out
This is where a lot of people get stuck. You've had some good conversations, but how do you turn that into an actual friendship?
The answer: invite them to do something together.
How to Invite Someone to Hang Out
Keep it casual and specific:
"Do you want to come over on Saturday to play FIFA?"
"A bunch of us are going to the movies on Friday—want to come?"
"Want to grab lunch at the food court after school?"
"I'm going to the skate park on Sunday—you should come"
Pro tips:
Suggest a specific activity and time (not just "we should hang out sometime")
Start with a group hang if one-on-one feels too intense
If they say no, don't take it personally—they might genuinely be busy. Try again another time
Good First Hang-Out Ideas
Going to the movies or watching something at someone's house
Playing video games or board games
Going to the beach, park, or skate park
Getting food (Maccas, Hungry Jack's, bubble tea, etc.)
Going to a sports game or local event
Doing homework or studying together
Pick something low-pressure where you can talk and get to know each other better.
Step 6: Be Yourself (But Your Best Self)
You've probably heard "just be yourself" a million times. But what does that actually mean?
It means:
Don't pretend to like things you don't – If you hate footy, don't pretend to love it just to fit in
Share your real interests – Even if they're "nerdy" or different, the right friends will appreciate them
Be honest about your feelings – You don't have to fake being happy all the time
But also:
Work on basic social skills – Hygiene, being kind, listening, not interrupting
Be positive and friendly – People are drawn to those who are fun to be around
Show interest in others – It's not all about you
Being yourself doesn't mean being rude, negative, or ignoring social norms. It means being genuine while also being considerate and respectful.
Step 7: Handle Rejection and Setbacks
Not every conversation will lead to a friendship. Not every invitation will be accepted. And that's okay.
What to Do If Someone Rejects You
Don't take it personally – They might be busy, shy, or already have a full social circle
Move on – Don't dwell on it or keep trying with someone who's not interested
Try again with someone else – There are plenty of people at your school
What to Do If You Make a Social Mistake
Everyone says or does something awkward sometimes. Here's how to recover:
Apologise if needed: "Sorry, that came out wrong" or "My bad, I didn't mean it like that"
Laugh it off: "Well, that was awkward!" (self-deprecating humour can help)
Move on: Don't keep bringing it up or obsessing over it
Most people forget small social mistakes pretty quickly. Don't let one awkward moment stop you from trying again.
Step 8: Keep Friendships Going
Making friends is one thing—keeping them is another. Here's how to maintain friendships:
Stay in Touch
Text or message them regularly (but not excessively)
Engage with their social media
Make plans to hang out regularly—friendships need consistent time together
Be a Good Friend
Be reliable: Show up when you say you will
Be supportive: Celebrate their wins and be there when they're struggling
Be trustworthy: Don't spread their secrets or talk behind their back
Handle disagreements maturely: Talk it out instead of ghosting or being passive-aggressive
Make Time for Friends
Friendships require effort. If you never make time to hang out or respond to messages, the friendship will fade.
What If You're Shy, Anxious, or Neurodivergent?
If you're shy, have social anxiety, or are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, etc.), making friends can feel even harder. Here are some tips:
For Shy or Anxious Teens
Start small: You don't have to talk to everyone—just one or two people
Practice at home: Role-play conversations with a parent or sibling
Use online communication first: Sometimes it's easier to start friendships through texting or gaming
Join smaller groups: Big crowds can be overwhelming—look for smaller clubs or activities
For Neurodivergent Teens
Learn social rules explicitly: Social skills can be taught—you're not doomed to struggle forever
Find people who share your interests: Shared hobbies make conversation easier
Be upfront if you're comfortable: Some teens find it helpful to say "I'm autistic, so sometimes I miss social cues—just let me know if I say something weird"
Consider a social skills program: Programs like PEERS® teach practical strategies for making and keeping friends
Red Flags: Friendships to Avoid
Not all friendships are healthy. Watch out for people who:
Make you feel bad about yourself
Pressure you to do things you're uncomfortable with
Only talk to you when they need something
Spread rumours or talk behind your back
Are controlling or jealous
Make fun of you in mean-spirited ways (not just friendly teasing)
It's better to have no friends than to have toxic friends. Keep looking for people who treat you with respect and kindness.
What If You're Still Struggling?
If you've tried these strategies and you're still finding it really hard to make friends, it might be time to get some extra help.
Talk to Someone
A parent or trusted adult: They can offer support and advice
A school counsellor: They can help with social anxiety or connect you with resources
A social skills coach: Programs like PEERS teach specific, practical strategies for making friends
There's no shame in asking for help. Social skills are learnable, and sometimes you just need a bit of coaching to figure it out.
How the PEERS® Program Can Help
If you're a teen (or a parent of a teen) who's struggling with friendships, the PEERS® Program might be exactly what you need.
PEERS® is an evidence-based program that teaches:
How to start and maintain conversations
How to find and choose good friends
How to use social media and texting appropriately
How to handle teasing, gossip, and conflict
How to organise and go on get-togethers
How to handle rejection and disagreements
The program is structured, step-by-step, and includes practice and homework so you can apply what you learn in real life. It's available online or in person, and it's fully funded under the NDIS for eligible participants.
At Strivesocial, we've helped countless teens go from isolated and struggling to confident and socially connected.
Arlo*, a Year 7 student, came to us feeling anxious about starting high school and worried about making friends. Through the PEERS program, he learned practical strategies for starting conversations, joining groups, and handling bullying. He's now thriving at his new school and has built a solid group of friends.
Final Thoughts: You've Got This
Making friends in high school doesn't have to be a mystery. It's a skill you can learn, practice, and get better at over time.
Remember:
Start small – You don't need to be popular; you just need a few good friends
Be patient – Friendships take time to build
Be yourself – The right people will appreciate the real you
Keep trying – Rejection happens to everyone; don't give up
Ask for help if you need it – There's no shame in getting support
High school can be tough, but you don't have to go through it alone. With the right strategies and a bit of practice, you can build the friendships you're looking for.
Need More Help Making Friends?
If you (or your teen) need extra support with social skills and making friends, Strivesocial is here to help.
Book a free 15-minute consultation to learn more about our PEERS program and how we can help.
📞 Phone: 0408 707 866
📧 Email: julie@strivesocial.com.au
🌐 Website: www.strivesocial.com.au
Because everyone deserves to feel like they belong.
