How to Help Your Teen With Autism Make and Keep Friends

If you're a parent watching your neurodivergent teenager struggle with friendships, you know how heartbreaking it can be. You see them sitting alone at lunchtime, spending weekends isolated in their room, or coming home from school upset because they don't understand why their peers don't include them.

You're not alone in feeling this way—and more importantly, your teen isn't alone either. Many autistic young people find social situations confusing and exhausting, but with the right support and strategies, they absolutely can build meaningful, lasting friendships.

As a social skills coach and parent of a neurodivergent child myself, I've seen firsthand how the right approach can transform a young person's social life. In this guide, I'll share practical, evidence-based strategies to help your teen make and keep friends—and how programs like PEERS® can provide the structured support they need to succeed.

Why Friendship Is So Hard for Autistic Teens

Before we dive into solutions, it's important to understand why social skills for neurodivergent teens can be so challenging. It's not that your teen doesn't want friends—in fact, research shows that most young people with autism deeply desire social connection. The difficulty lies in navigating the complex, often unspoken rules of social interaction.

Here are some common challenges teens diagnosed with autism face:

1. Understanding Unwritten Social Rules

Neurotypical teens seem to instinctively know things like how close to stand when talking, when to make eye contact, or how to read subtle social cues. For neurodivergent teens, these "rules" aren't obvious—they need to be explicitly taught.

2. Starting and Maintaining Conversations

Many young people on the autism spectrum struggle to know how to start a conversation, what topics are appropriate, or how to keep a conversation going without dominating it or going silent.

3. Reading Social Cues and Body Language

Facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language can be difficult to interpret. This can lead to misunderstandings, missed social opportunities, or accidentally saying the wrong thing.

4. Managing Sensory Overload

Social situations—especially busy, noisy environments like school cafeterias or parties—can be overwhelming. When your teen is dealing with sensory overload, it's nearly impossible to focus on social interaction.

5. Handling Conflict and Teasing

Disagreements, teasing, and gossip are part of teenage social life, but some teens may not know how to navigate these situations without damaging relationships or becoming a target for bullying.

6. Finding Common Ground

Your teen might have intense interests that don't align with their peers', making it harder to find shared topics of conversation or activities to do together.

Understanding these challenges is the first step. The good news? Social skills can be taught—and with practice, your teen can learn to navigate friendships with confidence.

10 Practical Ways to Help Your ASD Teen Make and Keep Friends

Here are evidence-based strategies you can start using today to support your teen's social development:

1. Teach Conversation Skills Explicitly

Don't assume your teen knows how to have a conversation—break it down into clear steps. Teach them how to:

• Start a conversation: Use openers like "How was your weekend?" or comment on something in the environment

• Trade information: Share a bit about themselves, then ask the other person a question

• Find common interests: Listen for topics the other person is interested in and ask follow-up questions

• End a conversation politely: Use phrases like "It was nice talking to you" or "I'll see you later"

Practice these skills at home through role-play. Make it fun and low-pressure—your teen needs lots of practice in a safe environment before trying it in the real world.

2. Help Them Identify Appropriate Friendship Candidates

Not everyone will be a good friend for your teen, and that's okay. Teach them to look for peers who:

• Share similar interests or hobbies

• Are kind and accepting

• Have similar social energy levels (e.g., prefer smaller groups or quieter activities)

• Show genuine interest in getting to know them

Help your teen understand that quality matters more than quantity—having one or two genuine friends is far more valuable than trying to fit in with a large group that doesn't appreciate them.

3. Create Opportunities for Social Practice

Friendships don't just happen at school. Create low-pressure opportunities for your teen to practice social skills, such as:

• Joining clubs or groups based on their interests (gaming, art, robotics, etc.)

• Attending structured social activities like youth groups or community classes

• Inviting a potential friend over for a specific activity (playing a video game, watching a movie, working on a project)

• Volunteering together in an area they're passionate about

Structured activities work well because they provide a natural focus and reduce the pressure of "just hanging out."

4. Coach Them on Electronic Communication

Texting, social media, and online gaming are huge parts of teenage social life—but they come with their own set of rules. Teach your teen:

• How to start a text conversation (don't just say "hi"—include a question or comment)

• How often to text (match the other person's frequency; don't overwhelm them)

• What's appropriate to share online (avoid oversharing personal information)

• How to recognise when someone isn't interested in continuing a conversation

Electronic communication can actually be easier for some teens because it removes the pressure of reading facial expressions and body language in real time.

5. Teach Them How to Handle Teasing and Conflict

Unfortunately, teasing and disagreements are part of teenage life. Equip your teen with strategies to handle these situations:

• Appropriate teasing vs. bullying: Help them understand the difference and when to seek help

• Responding to teasing: Teach them to use humour, agree and change the subject, or calmly walk away

• Handling disagreements: Practice using "I" statements ("I feel upset when...") and compromise

• Managing gossip: Teach them not to spread rumours and how to stay out of drama

Role-play these scenarios at home so your teen has a script to fall back on when emotions are high.

6. Support Get-Togethers Outside of School

Friendships are built through repeated, positive interactions. Encourage your teen to organise get-togethers with potential friends:

• Start small—suggest a specific activity with a clear start and end time

• Offer to help with logistics (transport, hosting at your home, etc.)

• Debrief afterwards—talk about what went well and what they might do differently next time

Many teens with autism need explicit coaching on how to invite someone to hang out. Practice phrases like "Would you like to come over on Saturday to play Mario Kart?" or "Do you want to meet at the library after school to work on our project?"

7. Help Them Understand and Manage Their Reputation

Teenagers are acutely aware of social status and reputation. Help your teen understand:

• How their behaviour affects how others see them

• The importance of hygiene, appropriate clothing, and personal presentation

• How to recover from social mistakes (everyone makes them!)

• Why it's important to be kind, reliable, and respectful

This isn't about changing who your teen is—it's about helping them present themselves in a way that attracts the kind of friends they want.

8. Validate Their Feelings and Experiences

Social struggles are exhausting and emotionally draining. Make sure your teen knows:

• It's okay to feel frustrated, sad, or angry about social difficulties

• They're not "broken" or "weird"—their brain just works differently

• Many successful, happy adults struggled with friendships as teens

• You're there to support them, not judge them

Create a safe space where your teen can talk about their social challenges without fear of criticism or unsolicited advice. Sometimes they just need to vent.

9. Model and Practice Social Skills at Home

You are your teen's first and most important social skills teacher. Model good social behaviour by:

• Having conversations with them about their interests

• Demonstrating active listening (eye contact, nodding, asking follow-up questions)

• Showing how to handle disagreements respectfully

• Talking about your own friendships and social experiences

Family dinners, car rides, and everyday interactions are all opportunities to practice social skills in a low-stakes environment.

10. Consider Evidence-Based Friendship Coaching

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your teen needs more structured support. That's where evidence-based programs like PEERS® (Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills) come in.

PEERS® is specifically designed to teach social skills for autistic teens through step-by-step lessons, role-play practice, and real-world homework assignments. The program covers everything from starting conversations to handling bullying to dating etiquette—all the skills your teen needs to build and maintain friendships.

What makes PEERS® different is that it's evidence-based (backed by decades of research), structured (clear, concrete skills rather than vague advice), and involves parent coaching (so you can support your teen at home).

What If Your Teen Says They Don't Want Friends?

Some autistic teens genuinely prefer solitude and don't feel the need for close friendships—and that's okay. However, it's important to distinguish between:

• Genuine preference for solitude: Your teen is content, engaged in their interests, and not showing signs of loneliness or depression

• Defensive withdrawal: Your teen has given up on friendships because they've experienced repeated rejection or failure

If your teen is isolating themselves because they feel hopeless or believe they're incapable of making friends, that's a sign they need support. Gently explore their feelings and consider seeking help from a therapist or social skills coach.

Red Flags: When to Seek Professional Help

While some social struggles are normal for teens, watch for these warning signs that indicate your teen may need additional support:

• Persistent sadness, anxiety, or depression related to social isolation

• Frequent meltdowns or shutdowns after social situations

• Being bullied or targeted by peers

• Complete social withdrawal (refusing to leave their room or engage with family)

• Self-harm or suicidal thoughts

If you notice any of these signs, reach out to a mental health professional immediately.

How the PEERS® Program Can Help

At Strivesocial, we specialise in helping teens build the social skills they need to make and keep friends. Our PEERS® program provides:

• Structured, step-by-step lessons on conversation skills, making friends, handling conflict, and more

• Role-play practice in a safe, supportive environment

• Real-world homework assignments to practice skills between sessions

• Parent coaching so you can support your teen's progress at home

• Evidence-based curriculum proven to improve social skills and reduce loneliness

The program runs for 10–14 weeks and can be delivered online or in person. It's fully funded under the NDIS for eligible participants, and we're a registered NDIS provider.

We've seen countless teens go from isolated and struggling to confident and socially connected. Here's one example:

Chris* came to us feeling lonely and struggling to connect with peers at school. After completing the PEERS® program, he successfully transitioned to a new school, made 12 new friends, and reported feeling much more confident in social situations. His mum described the program as "life-changing."

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

Helping your teen navigate friendships can feel overwhelming, but you don't have to do it alone. With the right strategies, support, and coaching, your teen can learn to build meaningful relationships and feel more connected to their peers.

Remember:

• Social skills can be taught—your teen isn't "doomed" to struggle forever

• Progress takes time—celebrate small wins along the way

• Quality matters more than quantity—one good friend is worth more than a dozen superficial connections

• Your support matters—you are your teen's most important advocate and coach

Ready to Help Your Teen Build Real Friendships?

If you're ready to give your teen the tools and support they need to make and keep friends, Strivesocial is here to help.

Book a free 15-minute consultation to learn more about our PEERS program and how we can support your family.

📞 Phone: 0408 707 866
📧 Email: julie@strivesocial.com.au
🌐 Website: www.strivesocial.com.au

Final Thoughts

Watching your autistic teen struggle with friendships is one of the hardest parts of parenting. But with patience, the right strategies, and professional support when needed, your teen can learn to navigate social situations with confidence and build the meaningful connections they deserve.

Because every young person deserves to feel like they belong.

You've got this. And we're here to help.